In this interview Carolyn Caple Moor discusses the often misunderstood topic of widowhood, why everyone needs to learn more about it, and her role in raising awareness as the forefront leader on the topic, following her own tragic loss.
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A loss of a loved one is hard - and so is supporting someone who has just lost a loved one as they go through the grieving process. Learn about what inspires and drives Carolyn Moor as she shares her story about how she has risen to become a spokesperson and advocate for those that need comfort and support while experiencing grief.
She is the Founder and President of Modern Widows Club and can be reached at carolynmoor.com.
Interview Transcript
“A woman that has faced great loss and grief, taking charge of her own health, and creating a comeback story to honor her loved one, doesn't get any better."
Passion Quest Magazine:
Tell us about yourself and your passion.
Carolyn Moor:
I am pioneering a widows health movement that has become a bridge of resilience to strengthen and empower an epic generation of widow mentors, leaders and advocates. I believe every widow is an everyday hero in her own right. She represents courage, strength, resourcefulness, loyalty, valor and a legacy of love. She is often forgotten, under-served and underestimated. All while rebuilding her life in the face of heartbreaking grief and isolation. I became a widow in 2000 on Valentine's Day after a hit and run driver caused our car to crash. My late husband Chad died and I survived, leaving me with two very young daughters to raise. I found grief support luckily, but after one or two years, all the support ended and I was overwhelmed by the lack of compassion, empathy and support systems I could find. After learning that widow support primarily exists only in the aging and military categories it led me to doing more widow research and discovering that widowhood is a women's health and human rights issue. After two decades of researching, I am now ready to take on legal, financial, political, social, medical and religious systems to create necessary and audacious change for the next generation of widows to come.
Passion Quest Magazine:
How long have you been pursuing your current endeavor?
Carolyn Moor:
22 years
Passion Quest Magazine:
What was the catalyst or inspiration that led you to discover this passion?
Carolyn Moor:
In 2016, I attended an event in NYC at the United Nations for the launch of the Global Widows Report. It was shocking. I met widow advocates from all over the world and they were asked how to solve big issues for widows globally. Because the four main reasons widows struggle are financial insecurity, disinheritance, government neglect and social exclusion, the stories were riveting and life-changing for me. I felt sad, inspired, disgusted, determined, overwhelmed, enlightened and driven to do something to raise awareness and help. Until then, I only knew of the widowhood issues that I had faced personally in the United States and in the community I had built at Modern Widows Club. I had no idea it was a human rights issue for widows in many areas of the global south, a literal death sentence and well-spring for human trafficking and child bride situations with grabbing their vulnerable daughters. My eyes were open to the darkest side of being a vulnerable, voiceless woman and a girl in the world. I thought of my own two daughters and how hard I had fought to protect them.
It took me two years to absorb what I learned at that event and I had to make a decision to become an advocate in a bigger way or not because this was not something you could do half-way. I was asked what my ideas were for solutions and I had an answer. It was "Firstly, places of worship must make this a priority. Secondly, widow philanthropists have the power, money and influence to raise awareness in ways no one else could, let's engage them". So my catalyst was to start there.
Passion Quest Magazine:
So what would you say drives you? Why do you do what you do?
Carolyn Moor: Because I see widows as women of fulfilled marriage. They are worthy of being honored and respected in their vulnerability, not to be taken advantage of. We've lost sight of how much wisdom these women have about relationships, families, and living much longer than men. They are our mothers, grandmothers, sisters, aunts, nieces, friends and family. Women hold up half the sky. If society is going to fight for women when they are unborn, as a child, young adulthood, in marriage and even divorce, we must continue and care well for them in widowhood to say women matter and are important in all the stages of her life. Changing the culture of health for widows and the awareness of their needs can set a new trajectory for the widows of tomorrow, the next generation. We can be better prepared since 70% of all married women will become widowed.
Passion Quest Magazine:
What's your biggest challenge that you face in this?
Carolyn Moor: Awareness. There is so little known about what is happening in the reality of widowhood vs. the myths. People shy away from learning from widows; there is little research conducted. It causes social exclusion, invisibility, isolation and loneliness. This results in a lack of real support for this demographic of precious women. All because someone died that they loved. I know the secondary losses are a slippery slope for women when they lose more than the primary loss of the person. They also lose their health, homes, health care, support systems, faith, co-parent, friendships, and more. The impact it has on her life is drastic and can cause future disease from the anxiety and stress going unrecognized. The challenge of determining that widowhood is a women's health issue is why widow research is needed. We know it is, we are seeing alopecia, autoimmune issues, heart disease and difficulties, obesity and breast cancer increase in widows due to elevated stress levels being endured.
Passion Quest Magazine:
What do you find most rewarding about what you do?
Carolyn Moor: Seeing the light that comes back into a widow's eyes when she finds hope. To see her grow past enormous fears to find healing and growth through her own empowering choices. That is what we call surviving to thriving. It happens every day. A woman that has faced great loss and grief taking charge of her own health and creating a comeback story to honor her loved one doesn't get any better. She's stronger for herself, for others she loves and even becomes a better colleague at work when supported. Receiving letters from siblings, friends and family members are especially fulfilling. They are always grateful their moms or sisters have found comfort, hope and love in their life again. That's all they want, is for them to find happiness on the other side of their pain.
" She's stronger for herself, for others she loves, and even becomes a better colleague at work when supported.”
Passion Quest Magazine:
Tell me, how has this pursuit has changed you?
Carolyn Moor: I have become more active in understanding the dynamics and forces that have rendered widowed women voiceless around the world in the first place. I'm investigative by nature, so I ask to be included at women's events, at peace talks, or leadership forums. In everything I do, I am raising awareness about something I call 'Getting a PhD in Uncommon Knowledge'. I've changed into a walking talking widow advocate while pursuing justice for widows. I guess you could say I'm the persistent widow from the Bible (by the way, she won!).
Passion Quest Magazine:
So where do you go from here? What's next for you?
Carolyn Moor: I'm launching my first leadership book "Inspire, Connect, Lead: Empowering Your Widow Mentoring & Leadership Gifts" late 2022. This fulfills my greater purpose to lead a generation of widows to become mentors, leaders and advocates long after I'm gone. It brings me great joy and meaning to know that what I've started here will benefit my own daughters and many new widows in generations I will not see. Reducing the suffering of one person is worth it. Opening a door to a better future for all women in widowhood. That is my living legacy.
Passion Quest Magazine:
Why do you think others would be, or should be interested?
Carolyn Moor: Because everyone has someone they love who will become a widow. It might be your wife, your grandmother, mother, sister, niece, aunt or friend. Widows are everywhere, every day in the United States 2,800 married women become widowed. Not one of these women wanted to become one, but when they do, they need to find resources and support. People sometimes say to me "What you do is so sad. How can you do it?" I always come back and say "No, you know what is sad? When a formidable women reaches out for help and doesn't find it".
Passion Quest Magazine:
So what's the end goal? Your dream? I mean, if you could make anything about your passion be true, what would it be?
Carolyn Moor: My dream for the future includes creating the first ever Widows Health and Research Institute which studies all aspects of the positive and negative impact of widowhood on women of all ages and backgrounds, their families and society at large. This institute would reform and inform gaps in our social systems, medical protocols, law making policies and revive religious systems to better care for individuals experiencing widowhood. Seeking innovative foundational grants, universities to partner and share initial concept to revolutionize the widowhood experience for generations to come.
I would also like to lead the charge on rallying for the start of a new office entitled The Office on Widowed Persons (OWP) within the Administration for Children & Families (ACF), a division of the US Department of Health & Human Services (HHS). The purpose of OWP would be to protect and assist widows and widowers in the United States. With this effort, I would petition for support to increase the number of bereavement days to be equal to the current allowable days for childbirth leave provided under Family and Medical Leave Act (FMLA), increase the current one-time survivor death benefit payment from $255 to $1,500, provide free healthcare (Medicare-like disability) for widows for a term of two to three years from the death of a spouse, introduce legislation ensuring the protection and monitoring of widows’ rights is prioritized in the future issuance of foreign aid, require the U.S. Department of State to include widows in its international human rights reporting requirements and to create programs to facilitate their economic and legal empowerment, call for the U.S. to propose a resolution in the United Nations General Assembly to protect rights and security of widows in the US and globally. As well as, designate U.S. National Widows' Week of Awareness - annually, the week after Father’s Day. Father’s Day was inspired by a widower, and this is one way to honor mothers who act in place of fathers and designate U.S. National Widowers Week of Awareness - recognized annually, the week after Mother’s Day.
"Reducing the suffering of one person is worth it. Opening a door to a better future for all women in widowhood."
Passion Quest Magazine:
How would others who are reading this right now get involved?
Carolyn Moor: I would begin by reading much of the research and data we've compiled on our website https://modernwidowsclub.org and decide how you hope to best utilize your specific talent, treasure or time to uplift and inspire a widow and her families today. We have many volunteer position opportunities such as our BOD, Research Committee, Advisory Board, and Golden Committee. And for widows seeking to pay it forward, we have our Community Advocate Leadership Program. We exist because of our passionate and devoted volunteer base. Reach out to us at support@modernwidowsclub.org or call 844-4- A WIDOW to find what works best for you and us.
Passion Quest Magazine:
How would others find you or connect with you?
Carolyn Moor: Reach me at developmentdirector@modernwidowsclub.org
Passion Quest Magazine:
Thank you for your time.
Assertion
Moore's assertion is that being a widow is a mucher deeper issue than most realize. Becoming a widow often means being thrusted into a deep state of vulnierability that the widow is ill-equipped to deal with - not just for her but also her childeren. She believes there is a moral and social responsibility of society as a whole to offer empathy and support for those that are learning to cope with the foreign challenge of continuing life as a widow.
"My dream for the future includes creating the first ever Widows Health and Research Institute"
Conclusion
Carolyn has fully committed herself to the pursuit of desperately needed change of a stigma within our society - and many seem to be counting on her support and guidance to get them through perhaps the roughest time of their life.
There's no denying her passion to make a difference in the world, and we are priviledged to have had the opportunity for this interview.
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